THE MEN’S THESAURUS (men don’t always say what they mean) – excerpts:
When a man says: "IT’S A GUY THING"
He means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"

When a man says "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER"
He means: "Why isn’t it already on the table?"

When a man says "UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR"
He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

When a man says ’’IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
He means: "I have no idea how it works"

When a man says "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner"

When a man says ’THAT’S INTERESTING DEAR.’
He means: "Are you still talking?"

When a man says "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
He means: " I can remember the theme song to ’F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed & the vehicle identification numbers of every car I ever owned – but I forgot your birthday"

When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL"
He means: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt"

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless"

When a man says “I HEARD YOU.”
He means: "I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

When a man says "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
He means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

When a man says "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!"
He means: "Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving."

When a man says "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means: : "No one will ever see us alive again."

Contributed by: Jeff Strite